Seriously, I need a kick up the you know what

16 stones 12.2 pounds, by the way.

Steak pie and chips

16 stones 12.8 pounds. Now, usually anything pastry-encrusted is right off the dieter's plate. There's something about pastry that makes it stick like fatty glue to yer ribs. That said, who in their right mind would turn down a decent slice of steak pie, with chips, carrots and green beans?

Well, not me.

Burp.

Fish and chips in the sunshine

17 stones exactly. You can't beat fish and chips. Especially doused in salt and vinegar, with a hefty dollop of mushy peas on the side. Eaten out of a styrofoam tray with a plastic fork. Glorious.

Apart from that, little to report.

Leftover pasta salad

17 stones. In a much better frame of mind regarding the whole weight loss thing, so the occasional upward blip doesn't worry me. The trick is to make sure the downward slope os the one being consistently travelled.

Mind you, summer and indeed summer hols are here, so I'm likely to be a touch more active than my usual sedentary self: a) the garden beckons - it needs a thorough sort out and b) it looks like we're getting a Great Dane, so I'm probably going to be lumbering around with, frankly, a massive dog.

Back in the high life again

16 stones 12.8 pounds. Yeah, read those numbers and weep. And for relative joy too. The old weight had wobbled up to 17 stones 5, thanks to some injudicious eating and an uptake of booze during the dieting downtime.

Now though, I've been pretty good about food in general, have knocked chocolate on the head (well, apart from a bar of Green and Black's Maya Gold the other day) and have only had two pints of Guinness in the last eleven days, and no other alcohol what-so-blimming ever. These joys have been replaced with lots of coffee (daytime), diet Pepsi (eveningtide) and snacking on slightly salty popcorn.

So back under 17 stones, which is where I should have been all along. Next stop, 16 stones 10 (the 2 stone weight loss marker) on the way to the 16 stone point...